| Men's Auxiliary |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|02:50 pm] |
I’ll add my voice to the others who think highly of the Women Back Each Other Up project and the Men’s Auxiliary. The pledge is amazing.
As for the Men’s Auxiliary and what we can do, I think the issue of guys talking to one another is very important. Whether its gaming, anime, reenactment or any number of other spheres, there are a lot of guys who are involved that will ignore a woman who calls them on their bad behavior. Those same guys will very likely back down if one of their male friends calls them on their statements or actions. Its a sad reality of the world we live in but if we, as men, have the power to reign in a problem before it gets out of hand then we have a responsibility to do so. In a better world anyone could call a creepy guy on his words or actions that are out of line and creepy guy would listen. Sadly we don’t live in that world.
Lord knows this isn’t an easy idea. I’m too polite by far and anyone who knows me, knows I’d rather run screaming for the hills than risk a confrontation. The theory of calling our male friends on their bad behavior may not be that hard but the practice is. Add the taboo in geek social circles of criticizing anyone and it just gets harder.
There’s another element to this too, for those of us who are part of the Men’s Auxiliary and that’s to remember the point that, “none of us are saints”. Even if we are working to be part of the Men’s Auxiliary, if someone calls us on something we do we have a responsibility to stop, own our actions and when we’re done taking responsibility for what we’ve done, to go away and think about why those actions were out of line so that we don’t do the same thing again.
On the broader scale we can use the same power that allows us to reign in Creepy guy to educate before a problem starts. If a guy says something asinine even out of earshot of any woman we still need to point out that they’re out of line and explain why. If we’re being really proactive we can even start conversations rather than waiting to make an example of someone’s bad behavior.
There’s a lot we, as the Auxiliary, can do in support. It may not be as dramatic as the front line work at a crisis point but its still important. It may not be easy for us but the need is still there. This is the role of the Men’s Auxiliary as I see it.
I invite comments and ideas from others. |
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| Why I Can't Have Nice Things. |
[Apr. 9th, 2008|10:21 pm] |
Me: I'm bored.
Don: How can you be bored? All this great stuff is happening in your life.
Me: Cuz I'm *Anna*, and I get bored really easily. Can we move?
Don: You just got here.
Me: Yes, but the weather is warming up and soon I'll have nothing left to complain about. Let's move to Singapore.
Don: You hate the humidity in Singapore.
Me: Thus, I would be happy, with something to complain about.
Don: Why do you make up these conversations and then put them in my LJ?
Me: Did I mention the bored bit? Tea pls.
Don: *sigh* |
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| Winnipeg Code? |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
Winnipeg Code
Apparently the Masons run Winterpeg.
I blame Dan Brown. |
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| Stupid Internet |
[Jan. 1st, 2008|11:46 am] |
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As a heads up, my home internet is down until at least Wednesday local time. I'm using public access in the meanwhile but it means that my interactions with the world will be sporadic in the meanwhile. |
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| Not Dead Yet |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|04:43 am] |
Just got into the hotel. I is in much pain which is no surprise. Heathrow is still insane which is also not a surprise. Likewise, London cabbies being rude, not a surprise. Also, I hear there might be some connection between Ben and Glory.
I go rest now. |
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[Nov. 29th, 2007|08:57 pm] |
At this very moment, as I'm typing this, ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) troubleinchina is making expreso caramels in the kitchen. They smell divine although I'm periodically distracted from that by her mutterings about needing another 10 degrees of heat. In a few minutes I get to sample them, not that I'm taunting anyone or anything...really. |
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[Nov. 17th, 2007|07:30 pm] |
The world we live in never ceases to sadden me. I can’t say disappointed because gross injustice happens far too often and regularly not to expect it. I know I don’t post often, especially about issues of the world great or small. People like troubleinchina express far better than I many of the deep injustices of the world.
None the less after reading this article on the BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7098480.stm I’m left sickened all over again. This is the world we live in. The worst part is that incidents like this aren’t even oddities. They happen all the time. The only difference is this time a news source like the BBC decided to report the story instead of standing silent.
I don’t want to live in a world where the victim of a brutal crime is punished. No victim of rape is at fault for their rape. It doesn’t matter that the justice system that is so warped as to torture the victim of rape is on the far side of the world.
This is still our world. The weight of every injustice like this, every day, every time something happens, rests on all our shoulders. Often I feel like it is all I can do to keep standing under that weight. I envy those who keep fighting, who don’t let the horror and injustice of the world hold them back from trying to make changes for the better.
I don’t have a grand thesis or point to make with this. I only try and express my disgust at the state of the world and my own sense of powerlessness in the face of such expansive injustice. My God, My God, grant me the strength to serve your will and make this a better world. |
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| Anna |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|12:42 pm] |
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Anna is a fountain |
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| Happy Birthday |
[Jul. 22nd, 2007|01:34 am] |
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Today marks the birthday of a wonderful person and friend of mine. Dantesvendetta aka Mags is celebrating her birthday today and while I'm sure many people are already wishing her a happy birthday and joyous year ahead, I add my voice. Happy Birthday Mags. May the year ahead be filled with joy. My thoughts are with you. Make sure to eat more cake for me. |
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| If only someone could have prevented this LJ entry... |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|11:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
So, I have stolen Don's laptop and am making a post in his name. because I am *evil* that way!
The post is simply this. Over dinner last night (I had the lobster, don had the ... not lobster. How much do you think picking the lobster up and making it talk to the waitress would have driven her nuts? "Hello, I have just left the employ of Davy Jones!"), Don and I were talking about Things Don Could Do To Make Himself Less Nuts With Bored In Halifax (with special bonus Anna Gets More Mail side note), and we (and by we, I mean I) decided that he totally needed to go out once a week for cheese cake to various places around Halifax and send me a postcard review of the cheese cake.
Yes? No? Maybe?
See, the point is that people need to harass him or he'll sit around and go "Oh, yeah, that thing... I should do that thing." Kinda like how he's going to CATALOG ALL OUR BOOKS ANY DAY NOW. (Not that I'm bitter. Nope. NO BITTER HERE. *grumble*)
Oh no, he's coming back from the scary laundry room in the basement, I must look innocent! *puts on innocent hat and innocent face, grabbing nearby book* |
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| Call for research help |
[May. 9th, 2007|11:43 pm] |
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Just a quick post. Does anyone reading this know where I can find hard data on the uninsured medication costs in Nova Scotia for catastrophic illness such as Cancer, HIV/AIDS or Diabetes? I have until early am Friday to get this sorted out. Help is greatly apreciated. |
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| My inspiration |
[May. 1st, 2007|07:13 pm] |
I don’t often talk about my relationship with Anna. We’re both very private people and that’s meant I tend not to share my thoughts and feelings about her with many people. Unfortunately this means that I often don’t say enough about how very special and important she is to me.
Its hard to overstate the immense, positive, impact Anna has had on my life. I first considered leaving Canada at around 15 years old and I can’t remember how young I was when I decided I would leave Alberta. I considered going abroad for Uni and looked seriously at it. During a rough patch at 17 I nearly just went. At 23 I was still in Edmonton. The idea of getting out was still there to be done at some point. Looking back I very much doubt I would ever have left on my own. Edmonton might be the right fit for some, but not for me.
Anna gave me the courage to move beyond Edmonton where I wasn’t happy and chase after dreams I’d had for a long time. Because of her outspoken love for travel people seem to often assume that the ex-pat life is her dream and I’m just tagging along. I wanted to live in the UK since 15. Living in Edinburgh was my idea. Anna wanted to live in cardiff, silly woman.
The life Anna and I have is one of shared dreams. We challenge each other to find our dreams and then make them happen. I would never have dared return, alone, to Halifax without Anna’s faith and support. I am again working on my degree (in fact rather than name) as well as writing. For all that she teases me about it, its her support that’s helped me start fencing again.
So uch of what I am and what I’m becoming stems from Anna’s support. As a depressive with chronic illness it was very easy to dream about the future while brooding about the past. Anna has helped me so much in learning to live instead of just think. From this I’ve come to actually look and plan for the future rather than just make hollow dreams. Its with her support and encouragement that I start to look seriously and consider what I want to do with life. 3 years ago, before Anna and I were involved, I could mouth platitudes about the future but had no real plans. Now I have a short list and am working from there.
Intellectually, I’m lazy. I tend to coast a lot of the time without looking too deeply at issues that don’t catch my interest. I can’t get away with that around Anna. I’ve had more intelligent and informed discussions with Anna over the three years of our relationship than the entirety of my academic and social life. Simply reading the highlights that she directs me to and listening to her talk has expanded my knowledge of history, minority concerns and Feminism immensely ant these are just the topic off the top of my head.
Anna has taught me so much, including the ability to care again. Like many teenagers I was full of fire at the injustices of the world. Like many teenagers I didn’t have a clue how to actually affect change and so, like many teenagers I had my ideas knocked down a lot. I burnt out from it. It was easier not to care and just ignore what was happening. Anna has started me on the path of caring again. I still have a long way to go but because of her i want to care and be active in change again. She leads by example. Every day I see her efforts to educate and inform people about the huge problems that women still face in western society. I get links to the cream of the feminist blogs each day, because she reads them and filters out the less significant entries. I get first shot at reading her own posts on Feminism as her beta and I have the honour of sharing in her sense of triumph of headway made when people realise something about the nature of the problems facing women. I also have the privilege of hearing the frustrations at how little is being done.
I know for my part I don’t do enough to support her, as my wife and as a Feminist writer. I’m not entirely silent but too often I let people say things, hateful and mean, about Anna or about women as a whole. I don’t speak out on the injustices facing women or on the other issues that I hold to be important. I don’t raise my voice in support of what she says, nor do I wield a big stick is her support.
Too often the women writing about Feminist issues stand alone. At best, they’re boxed in by huge walls of entrenched opinions and misconceptions. At worst, they face ostracism and abuse for what they do. For a long while now I’ve let my wife, the woman that I love stand alone, out of my own fear for taking a stand. I may not always have the courage to support her as she deserves but let me say here, publicly that I agree with the goals and principles she is struggling for. I have learned a vast amount about the world and myself because of her. When it comes to Feminist ideas I defer to her wisdom and I believe in what she is saying.
PS She also sends me letters and presents from Aus. She even drafts others into sending me notes. Still no photosynthesis here. |
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| Pornography as Sexual Violence |
[Apr. 5th, 2007|11:37 pm] |
I read an article recently that grabbed my attention and started me thinking about the many ways mainstream pornography promotes sexual violence. The blog that had posted the article has been taken down. Numerous hateful and vicious comments prompted the closure of the blog. I can only imagine the shape they must have taken in response to the article I read. The article described an encounter at a rape crisis centre. A woman had been raped after asking her boyfriend to turn the volume on the porn he was watching. According to the woman, after raping her the boyfriend said he'd been wanting to it for a while. The boyfriend claimed the woman wanted to be hit and strangled while having sex. The woman was then placed on suicide watch. The article ends with an addition that the woman had killed herself.
As a male growing up, especially with access to the internet, it was almost expected that I look at pornography and I wanted to expand on some of the problems beyond what the article had done. Pornography is not something I consider inherently evil. I don't believe sex or the depiction of sex is wrong. When pornography, like any other media, is promoting a misogynistic attitude I take issue. In the case of pornography, that misogyny is no minor or subtle thing. It is a blatant message being seen and internalised by countless men.
Some of the common forms of pornography depict scenarios directly tied to sexual violence. Depictions of prostitution, out of control drunkenness leading to sex, sex with a sleeping person, and outright depictions of violence are considered normal in pornography. Each of these scenarios encourages an attitude that sexual violence against women is acceptable.
The meme of young women paid to have sex is a common scenario in pornography. Entire web sites devote themselves to the scenario. Women and their sexual behaviour are depicted as purchasable, as commodities. When it comes to prostitution attitudes are terrifying. Probably everyone can think of cases where violence against sex workers has received minimal punishment or been swept under the table or been dismissed by portions of the public as unimportant. Society seems to take an attitude that these women were bought and like any property can be damaged or destroyed by their owners.
Men taking this attitude that women are property is common and not just by accepting prostitution but also in other cases where money is spent "on a woman". I remember a bus ride in the UK and listening to a teenage boy of about 14 griping to his mates about how he'd spent five pounds getting out to see a girl and she wouldn't even provide oral sex. The attitude was that the girl's sexual experiences were his to control through money.
Another meme in pornography is the drunken party. Usually the scenes depict a bar setting involving women, with drinks much in evidence. They are shown throwing themselves into sex acts with available men and each other. The message, that drunk women want sex and the more drunk they get the more they really want it.
A sub-genre of these scenes are images and movies collected of women who are actually drunk and nude or performing a sex act. Some of these images may have the women's full support but many seem to be taken without permission or without permission to publicly display. Again the attitude seems to be that a woman being drunk gives men the right to control the woman's sexual experiences.
Normal pornography will also display outright sexual violence. Scenes of rape that turn into scenarios of women enjoying what's being done to them take various forms. Forms of choking and hair pulling are amongst the more common but many others exist. No matter the form, these scenarios are not considered noteworthy by mainstream pornography. The acts of violence and rape are normalised by their frequency and casual acceptance within the industry. The message is that rape and violence are something women secretly want.
Even the language of pornography lends permission to sexual violence against women. Women are regularly referred to by derogatory and belittling or even dehumanising terms. Web sites commonly refer to "sluts", "whores", "bitches" and "teens" but rarely if ever refer to women as women. Women are defined in pornography by their age, by their sexual activity, as property and even as less-than-human. The message is that they are less than men and what is done to them is all right.
The sad part is that pornography doesn't have to be about these kinds of violent and dehumanising scenarios. The pornography industry seems to take the view that these scenarios are what the viewers want and in providing the material they train further generations of customers that sexual violence is acceptable and desirable. Anyone seeing a cyclical process here? At the same time, sexual violence isn't staying in the staged pictures and videos of pornography. Its being acted out through the western world because men have been shown that sexual violence is desirable.
Further Reading
The Google cash of the blog entry I referred to is here or the or you can view the cache of the entire blog.
Feministing talks about the Politics of Ladies Night.
Feministing also writes about how Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Check out Women's Space/ The Margins for a prime example of sexual violence against sex workers being dismissed.
Here's an article about one website in mainstream pornography and how it treats women. |
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[Mar. 23rd, 2007|04:13 pm] |
“So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
“And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
“When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
(Matthew 6.2-8, NRSV)
I remember this passage from early in my childhood. It was couched in the old language of the King James bible then. Its a message that I so sublimated that I had trouble finding the actual passage when I started this entry.
The message of doing what’s important without letting people know has been a part of my thinking for most of my life. Be it in acts of charity and compassion or faith or politics or my own personal life I don’t talk about how I express these things. I don’t talk about what I do.
Over the course of the last year I’ve watched Anna renew her interest in Feminism. I’ve read over her shoulder and talked at length with her. I’ve learned a great deal. I’ve also had to do a lot of thinking.
A year ago I thought of myself as a feminist. If asked I might have even said as much. The last year has forced to question whether or not I really am a Feminist.
I have seen in countless discussions men claiming to be Feminists and making points that are baldly misogynistic. I Blame the Patriarchy discusses these so called Feminists. I’ve seen time and again how little I understand what being a Feminist really is. Mikey in the comments of this post is a prime example. I wonder how different I am from the men who claim to be Feminists while harbouring scorn and contempt in their hearts.
Better not to “sound a trumpet” and instead learn and discuss and act the part of a Feminist as best I understand. Let those men, the hypocrites, bleat out what they supposedly are. Let me be judged on my quiet actions, or so I thought.
Its been pointed out to me that I’m conceding a battle for the very word Feminist in doing that. I also realise that I’m taking the lesson of Yeshua* too far. Humility is all well and good but nothing comes before compassion. Everyday in Feminist discussions men who cal themselves Feminists are preaching hate. Its not enough to be learning how to think as a Feminist even if I try act like one. Not if I allow myself to be less than one.
I haven’t claimed to be a Feminist to anyone except Anna in about a year, quite possibly much longer. It was a mistake. I gave power to the messages of hate male, so called Feminists, are preaching by my silence. I allowed the word to me stolen from me. I may not know very much yet, I may not be very good at it yet, but I am a Feminist. I believe in the radical idea that women are people.
*-A brief explanation of names. The name Joshua is the english equivalent of Jesus. By the same token Jesus is the Greek equivalent of the Hebrew name Yeshua. |
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| Meme time |
[Feb. 28th, 2007|03:16 pm] |
I'm curious what people say. Could you answer these questions in a comment?
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. If we've met, when and how did we meet?
4. What social event or place would you like to go to with me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
Comments screened for privacy |
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| Whistling |
[Feb. 28th, 2007|02:52 pm] |
This post is in honour of Dantesvendetta.
I have a kettle. I bought it along with other household things from Value Village early in the month. As I drink tea only on occasion I haven't had much call to use it. I finally agreed that I would test it when I mentioned to Ms Vendetta that I thought it might whistle. Its an old stove top design and looked like it would.
I'm sorry to report that the kettle does not whistle. It tries. It makes a valiant attempt. It can even manage, with help, to whistle. But it does not whistle on its own. It does, however, still provide for tea and that's what really counts. |
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| So very tired.... |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|10:28 pm] |
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Today marked my return to fencing after a hiatus of over two years. I'd met the local SCAers at a previous practice but this time brought my gear and went to work. Most of my gear passed the test. Yay for tight weave silk. I've of a few "armour bites" where my gorget (neck protection) dug in. There were many jokes about the combination of my height and my rapier which is longer than anyone else's. I got to fight with several of the veterans and did quite well. I'm closer to being certified than I thought. There was much joking and talking of technique. I loaned my maine gauche to one of the other fencers for a bit and I think he fell in love. Apparently his wife's response when he showed his wife and made puppy dog eyes was "your birthday's not until november". My arms feel like Jelly and my wrists have even less strength. I'm also in the wonderfully spinny state of fatigue and mild dehydration. Weeeeeee. Anyway, that was my evening. Now we'll see how much I ache in the morning:) |
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| Life, Illness and Faith - all in a meme |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|09:14 pm] |
01. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
02. I respond by asking you five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.
03. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1) How much does your physical condition, and the often shortened lifespan inherent influence your decisions?
Its a constant influence. The shortened life expectancy has become much less of a concern in the last five or so years. The last cardio check up with a different specialist suggested that I might well not even have an abnormality of my cardio vascular system considering my size. That said there is still an element where its really hard for me to face the idea of a long life ahead of me. I’m starting to think now about living to forty or sixty and even eighty. Certainly the illness impacts on my life immensely. I’m living on the far side of the world from the women who means more to me than anything, because of factors relating to my illness.
On a daily basis I have to remember to take my medication. I have to evaluate how I’m feeling when I wake up and decide how much of what I’d planned to do I think I can pull off. I have to constantly monitor how much pain I’m in. What I eat, when I eat and how I prepare it are all influenced by my pain. I dress differently to protect my joints from cold. I have to make sure to have the medication I take daily with me when I go out incase I’m out when I need to take it. I need to keep the strong painkillers with me at all times for when I need them. Even with the stick I take a bus for two stops rather than walk most of the time. I spend most of my day sprawled out on a bed or couch.
I can’t work even part time. Even volunteering is exceedingly limited. Attending class for Academic work is contingent upon Student Disability. help. The reason my Term at the University of Edinburgh fell apart was because they could find a note taker and since I had no fall back I pushed to every class and by mid-February was laid out on bed rest for about three weeks.
2) Can you really tell the difference between good wine and great wine, or as you posing like most people?
Its now been a long time since I’ve had really high class wine so keep that in mind. A lot of it is an acquired taste. I got used to drinking very good stuff so I like a that flavour. I also grew up with French and Californian wines. Other regions taste odd to me. There are subtleties to the more high-class wines that I don’t taste in cheap varieties. It makes for nuance in the flavour that can be very enjoyable. That said I can be quite happy drinking wine that in Britain runs 5-10 quid a bottle. I really don’t need the expensive stuff to be happy, when I can drink.
3) If you could change one thing, and one alone in the world by a sort of divine fiat, what woul it be?
This is a tricky one. there are so many things I would like to see. I think I would want to see that everyone’s basic need were always met and done so in a sustainable manner. If I had say over it, the provision of those needs would never be lost, never be taken or given up. I don’t know how that could be done without immense loss of personal freedom which I don’t like the thought of.
4) Have you ever seen a ghost?
No. I’ve experienced a lot of supernatural things in my life but never something I would all a ghost. I don’t want to discount their existence but I have a hard time reconciling them to my beliefs about hat happens when we die.
5) What is the meaning of life as you see it?
I think life is a gift, no strings attached. The teachings of my faith call for certain things but I don’t think the divine demands a particular path. I think that God calls his followers to become better than they are in all aspects of life, mentally, physically and spiritually. I think he also calls those of us who follow him to aid others in their journey of improvement. |
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| Update |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|02:19 pm] |
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Tomorrow morning I hop a train back to Halifax. I've been staying with my sister since Saturday. Its given me a chance to visit and avoid racking up ghastly hotel bills. I get into in the late afternoon and will take possession of my Flat. The first night is going to be a little awkward as I won't have a chance to do a lot of shopping to furnish the place. I've charted out thrift stores and bed places for the second. The plus side is that I should have internet within a day of moving in. It just depends on when the modem arrives. Anyone know where the best thrift shops or mattress stores in Halifax are? |
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| Chaos |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|01:04 am] |
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yay. I'm in Halifax and safe. The insanity is continuing. I looked at three flats today. One was scary, the oven was vintage 70s yellow. The others both have pros and cons. The smaller more basic one has a lot of little things going for it. I know the neighborhood a bit. During the semester I did at Dalhousie I lived just down the street from this place. The other was a nicer main area. The bathroom was a bit dingy but the kitchen and living room/ bedroom were bright and quite attractive. I got bad vibes off the landlord though. The other kicker that made it pretty but wouldn't be good for me was the two steps between the living/bed room and the kitchen. I don't want stairs just to raid the fridge. Tomorrow I view four more and make a decision. Then I get to furnish it. I might get a quiet day waiting to get possession but that's the best chance for a while. |
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